Tuna Helper

Tuna Helper casserole for dinner tonight. For a hot minute there I thought I was just going to be eating "Helper," but thankfully it turned out that the tuna was just hiding behind the peanut butter.

I was already short one ingredient-milk. I decided that a glop of ricotta and some extra water was a good substitute....

Time to go grocery shopping?



I feel like that description of my dinner sounds a little disgusting. Let me make up for it by saying that I also made Apple Jack cupcakes.

Should I Go Bald?

I can't tell if Sally loves my new shampoo or hates it.

Any time I leave my hair wet after a shower, she gets very excited and starts to nuzzle my head. And then chew my hair. And then try to scalp me with her teeth.

Hybrids

I had tomato basil salmon sausage for lunch today, and it was amazing.

Social worker Liz said, "It's like a pig and a salmon had a baby, and you're eating it."

I thought, "What would that look like?"

This is what I came up with:

Soon I was getting requests for all sorts of hybrids, including

and

And then a cross-breed skeptic said, "I bet you can't do a guinea pig pterodactyl." Believe, Ashley. Believe.

Well That's The Pits!

Conversation between a mother and her young son in the deodorant aisle at Target:

"Mom, why do you have to smell all  of them."

"Well, I want to pick one that smells good."

"Who's going to smell your armpits?!"

Sympathy

At my hospital, if an employee or nun in the system passes away someone sends out a memorial email to inform other employees of their passing, funeral details, etc. Usually, this email is entitled "RIP So-And-So" or something nice like that.

Recently, we received a message where the email subject said:

Death.

Bar Bathrooms

Bar bathrooms are the location of some of the most interesting/entertaining/bitchy conversations you will ever hear.

I went out on Saturday, and the theme of the night was "Stalls That Do Not Lock." Starting with the bathroom door at my apartment. This is why I lock Sally up during parties. Because as soon as a door is shut, she has to go push it open.

But I digress.

So. What do you do when the stall does not lock? You hold it shut, right? Some girls do not know this.

I was in my stall in a modified football stance to keep the door shut, and the other stall was occupied by a barfer.

This other girl walks into the bathroom and announces, "Ummm, so I have to pee, like, really bad. Just so you know. If you can just hurry, that would be great. So you know."

I finished up and walked out of the stall and washed my hands. She gets into the stall and says, "Ummmmm, how do I close this door?!"

"Oh, it doesn't lock."

"It doesn't?"

"Nope."

"Ummm, then how am I going to keep it shut?!"

"Uh, I'll hold it for you."

"Okay, thank you sooooooooo much. I didn't know what to do. I'll be done in just, like, twoooooo minutes.......Ummm, why do I hear my boyfriend talking to someone else? He's gonna get it."

When she came out of the stall, she commented, "Ummm, there's a girl in there that is not okay. (indicating the barfer). I can hear her in there. And she is not okay."


My only regret with this post is that I'm too lazy to figure out how to put audio up, so you can't hear the inflection that she had. It was great.

You Poor Unicorn

This picture, which was hanging in the nurses' station today was given to us by a patient.

 

The poor thing has been afflicted with raging herpes. Or HPV. 

Maybe it's scamps.....