The Two Kid and The Warewolf

A story from 5th grade Lauren...Happy Halloween!

Once there was a little boy. His name was Timmothy. He has a big dog. One day his dog ran into the woods.

"Have you seen my dog", ask Timmothy.
"No" remarked his friend Sam
"Darn" whimpered Timmothy.

He asked others if they had seen his dog. One thought she saw it go into the woods.

Timmothy had heard there was a warewolf in the woods. But he went in anyway. He walked and walked it got darker and darker and Aaaah!

He looked back. When nothing was there he walked awhile.

Then he saw his dog with a hurt nose and a bloody leg. A wolf with a human face and hair with sharp teeth was running after the dog. His dog ran towrd him. They ran out of the woods.

A few days later a little girl went into the woods with her puppy. Suddenly there was a scream. She ran towad the scream. She saw a wolf half human, half wolf.

She screamed and ran. Her puppy ran to. When they got out of the woods, Ow-Ow-Ow-ow, her puppy was hurt.

A few days later another dog went in and got killed. From that day forth only big black dogs or a white puppy with brown spots would be killed on Halloween.

Flight Safety

It's so great that the Flight Safety Manuals on airplanes have such descriptive pictures to explain everything you need to know in case of an emergency, no matter what language you speak. No one could possibly interpret these pictures incorrectly.

For example:

Pregnant women may remove their wombs to use as a pillow.

Inflatable Infants! On Sale Now!

Warning: LSD may cause hallucinations and strange dreams, even in infants.

Use your laser vision to start fires and tear through metal!

Protect your baby from the drug-crazed toddler next to you. Addicted children are unpredictable and potentially dangerous.

The Latest Craze

My friends and I were talking about the new craze amongst high school and college kids: alcohol enemas. Seriously, just take a couple shots, you'll get drunk fast enough. And it won't leak out later.

We were talking about which kinds of alcohol to use to minimize stainage. Someone mentioned gin, and I decided, maybe I understand these kids a little bit after all.
  

I would rather put gin in my asshole than in my mouth because it tastes like pine trees.

Number One Cause of Obesity

Maybe you thought it was the endless supply of breakfast pastries, or the double portions and Ensure with meals.

No. Not quite.

"I know why that girl is so fat. It is because there is a boa constrictor that has gone into her vagina."

Now, doesn't that make waaaaaaay more sense?

How Nice!

I've posted a lot of insults from patients, but they come up with some very amusing compliments as well.

One of my patients told me, "Hey! I like your incisors!" As she walked away she murmured to herself, "Those sure are nice..."