Study Time!

Sally wants me to fail my Patho exam tomorrow, as evidenced by:

What, you wanted to use the desk to write?

Jungle Gym!

You are no longer allowed to use this arm.

Haha! You can't see 'cause my anus is in the way!

Yeeeeeeesss.....fascinating....

I know! The answer is that one!

I don't understand my cat.

She will do crazy acrobatics, sneak attacks, vaults into paper bags, whatever it takes to steal a pod of edamame from me.

But when I offer her a little piece of turkey and she turns her nose up at it.

Sally's Near Death Experience

A few years ago, when Sally was just a young kitten, I had a very scary experience with her. She had been acting kind of funny, meowing a lot.

I woke up in the middle of the night, as I am wont to do.

I heard Sally rustling around in the closet.

In my half-awake stupor, I started panicking.

I thought, "Oh noooooo! Sally crawled off into the closet to die alone!!!!"

I was confused and tearful as I started frantically searching for her. I couldn't find her. I sat on my bed and started bawling.

Hearing the ruckus, she came out of hiding and stared up at me like, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

She did not die.

Cat-Napping

This is the cat I want to kidnap.

I call her Stella. I'm not actually sure if she's a stray or if she belongs to the neighbors. But she likes to hang out with me whenever I'm in the yard.

Things to consider:

1. She could get hit by a car.
2. She has no collar, so she does not definitely belong to someone else, though she might.
3. If it is the neighbors' cat, they will worry about her when she disappears.
4. The neighbors' cat recently had kittens, and this cat seems so tiny to have just given birth.
5. I don't really have any experience with pregnant/postpartum cats, since I made Sally give up her uterus.
6. Also, the neighbors could have more than one cat.
7. Stella is super friendly and entertaining.
8. Sally will hate her.
9. But she's lived with another cat before, and she got used to him. Maybe even secretly liked him.
10. Stella's claw control is questionable.
11. I already have claw clippers.
12. If she doesn't have a home in the winter, she might freeze.
13. If I kidnap her, I will be one feline away from being a cat lady.
14. I'm only in my 20's, and it's not the middle ages, so I'm not a spinster.
15. I recognize that I should not have more than 2 cats.
16. I have human friends.
17. Given 14-16,  really, how close am I to being a cat lady?
18. What if I'm just in denial?

Nipple Magnets

No, this is not a post about a new kinky sex toy.

This is a post about Sally and one of her many Super-hero Qualities. Her paws are equipped with nipple magnets.

She pretends to be all sweet, crawling over me and settling down to cuddle on top of me while I'm laying in bed. But her real purpose is to see how many times she can successfully utilize her nipple magnets in one snuggle session.

It never fails. This morning, she carefully and intentionally got me with 3 out of 4 of her paws in just one crossing.

You win this time, Sally. Just remember who feeds you.

Congratulations!

I have a cat named Sally. When I was little, my plan was to have at least 10 children, all of whom would be named Sally. I am now fairly certain that I will not allow that many babies to spring out of my uterus, unless my recent dream comes true.
 

I was pregnant, and I was having an ultrasound.

The ultrasound tech said, "Ooooh! Congratulations on your babies!"

"Babies? Am I having more than one?"

"Why, yes! You will soon be the proud mother of 21 kittens.You must be so happy!"

"Kittens?! That's impossible."

"Yes, kittens," the tech said in a patronizing tone. "You can see them right here on the monitor."

I started to feel all the kittens squirming and kicking. Naturally, I was flipping out. "Okay, but I don't understand how I got pregnant with kittens. How did they get there?"

(Angrily) "Well, if you can't see this miracle as a blessing, I think we're done here."


I hope this isn't foreshadowing my becoming an old cat lady....