Professional Charting

I love it when I'm doing my charting and I get to quote angry patients who are cussing. How many other opportunities are you going to have to drop the f-bomb in a legal document?

BEEP!

I hate beeping noises. Especially microwaves that continue on with all four "I'm done" chimes even after you open the door. Yes, microwave! I know! Food's done, now shut up!

I was charge nurse the other day, and as I was checking the crash cart, I started hearing this steady buzzing noise. I tried to find the source, checking every piece of equipment I could find. I looked in the storage room, the nurses' stations, the day room TVs, the printers and fax machines, the elevators, everywhere. And I could not find the source of that stupid noise!

Finally, I gave up and had to get some work done. One of the other nurses came into the nurses' station and asked, "What's that buzzing noise?"

"I have no idea! It's driving me nuts! I've looked all over the unit, and I can't figure out where it's coming from."

"No, it's just in the nurses station...It sounds like a phone..."

I pulled out my hospital cell phone. The buzzing that had been annoying the daylights out of me for the past half hour was in my freaking pocket the whole time...

Quotes From the Psych Unit

"You like my hair? Gracias, amiga! I put my panties on my head. You see? I wash them in the sink, and then I put them on my head."

"I feel much happier now. Maybe I can go get some pizza when I go home. I need new socks."

"Can I please have a medium-long banana?"

"I ain't no infidant!"

From a patient who was trying to find her social worker, "Hey, Christine. Are you Liz?"

"You're all a bunch %^@*@!# of Nazi Jews!"

From a patient who was planning to lead a Bible study in the day room, when provided The Book:
"Oh, thank God! I'm gonna Bible the whore out of that bitch!"