Come Again?

What I heard: "You don't know who licked the virgin."

What was said: "Let me do my version."


What I heard: "He had a goat probe"

What was said: "GoPro" (camera you can strap to your head)


What I heard: "I can't hear you 'cause I'm in the stairwell."

What was said: "I can't hear you 'cause I'm at a fairy princess tea party."

Running in the Rain

Happy Halloween everybody!

I had a super fun adventure today.

I was going to be lazy and plop myself on the couch, but I decided to keep my running pledge and knock out a few miles.

Got back from my run, feeling pretty proud that I'd gotten my butt in gear and looking forward to watching a horror flick while eating breakfast for dinner.

And my keys were gone. Must have fallen out of my pocket while running.

I looked at my phone and thought "I have 20 minutes of daylight."

And I charged off to retrace my steps. Made it 2 1/2 more miles (faster than the first 3 1/2!) before it finally got too dark to keep searching.

So, I'm sitting on my porch-wet, cold, in the dark, trying to decide how long I can wait for my awesome bestie to bring my spare keys before I go meander around Walgreen's to stay warm.

And it's Halloween. For the past 2 years, I've gotten big bags of candy and waited eagerly for little witches and Supermen to run down my street, but I've always ended up being disappointed. But this year, there were actually a few Trick-or-Treaters.

One kid saw me, opened the gate, and started running up the stairs, "Trick or Treat!!"

I was like, "I'm soooooo sorry, but I have no candy."

The kid stops mid-step and looks at me, trying to figure out if I'm joking.

"No really. I know, it's deceiving, because I'm sitting out here. But I don't even have keys, let alone candy."

He turned around slowly, I think half expecting me to say, "Tricked ya! He're a King-Sized Reese's!"

I'm waiting to get egged.

Study Time!

Sally wants me to fail my Patho exam tomorrow, as evidenced by:

What, you wanted to use the desk to write?

Jungle Gym!

You are no longer allowed to use this arm.

Haha! You can't see 'cause my anus is in the way!

Yeeeeeeesss.....fascinating....

I know! The answer is that one!

Let's Play a Game: Level 3

Which quotes are from patients, and which are from staff? Take a guess!

"I would love if that camel worked here!"

"Does cherry pie have calories?"

"He looks like he's pregnant with a turtle."

"No, I know they used to have tan M&Ms because I remember thinking to myself, 'that looks like a horse.'"

"Maybe you would sleep better if you wasn't such a whore!"

I'm Sick!

When I was in grade school, I sometimes played sick (gasp!).

I had to make it look real, though.

One time I prepared a "vomit" concoction of lotion, milk, and saltines to pour in the toilet.

Smelled a little like freesia, but it got the job done.

Makeout Tip #1

"Never French kiss someone. Seriously. Tongues taste weird."

(From my little sister when she was 12.)

Riding in Cars with Grams

Grandma: "Dearheart, do you have any thongs I could borrow?"

Me: "Uhhhhhhhhh...."

Grandma:  "I'm getting a pedicure tomorrow, and I don't have any thongs to wear."