Study Time!

Sally wants me to fail my Patho exam tomorrow, as evidenced by:

What, you wanted to use the desk to write?

Jungle Gym!

You are no longer allowed to use this arm.

Haha! You can't see 'cause my anus is in the way!

Yeeeeeeesss.....fascinating....

I know! The answer is that one!

Let's Play a Game: Level 3

Which quotes are from patients, and which are from staff? Take a guess!

"I would love if that camel worked here!"

"Does cherry pie have calories?"

"He looks like he's pregnant with a turtle."

"No, I know they used to have tan M&Ms because I remember thinking to myself, 'that looks like a horse.'"

"Maybe you would sleep better if you wasn't such a whore!"

I'm Sick!

When I was in grade school, I sometimes played sick (gasp!).

I had to make it look real, though.

One time I prepared a "vomit" concoction of lotion, milk, and saltines to pour in the toilet.

Smelled a little like freesia, but it got the job done.

Makeout Tip #1

"Never French kiss someone. Seriously. Tongues taste weird."

(From my little sister when she was 12.)

Riding in Cars with Grams

Grandma: "Dearheart, do you have any thongs I could borrow?"

Me: "Uhhhhhhhhh...."

Grandma:  "I'm getting a pedicure tomorrow, and I don't have any thongs to wear."

I don't understand my cat.

She will do crazy acrobatics, sneak attacks, vaults into paper bags, whatever it takes to steal a pod of edamame from me.

But when I offer her a little piece of turkey and she turns her nose up at it.

The Hazards of Being Too Quiet

I went to a party over the weekend with my sister and her boyfriend, didn't know anyone else there, and mostly spent the night catching up with sister.

Near the end of the night, someone mentioned asking Siri...I dunno, something.

So I chimed in, "Did you know that you can ask, 'Hey, Siri, where can a bury a dead body?' And Siri will respond, 'Are you looking for a graveyard or a landfill?'"

The guy was like, "Waaaait a minute. Hold on. You haven't said a word all night, and now you're talking about burying dead bodies?!"

Officially the shy creeper, right here.