Surprises and Adventures

I went back to Peoria this weekend for a surprise birthday party for my sister (a total hit-she was shocked!).

We were out till waaaaay past my bedtime, and I left to go back to her place before the festivities totally ended. I took her boyfriend's keys (she left hers at home), and I was instructed to leave the front door unlocked so they could get in. I was also assigned an intense, 34-step process for letting the dogs out.

After a few minutes of joyful pouncing and puppy kisses, I let Parker out first.

He did his business all lickity split and came back inside. Snuggle muffin that he is, he made only minor attempts at licking my eyeballs out while I wiped his paws off.

Mila was next. She is not quite as focused as Parker when it comes to peeing. So, step 21-ish in the dog-letting-out process, I put Corinne's Uggs on and went outside with Mila to prevent mud-bathing. After a few minutes she did her thang and we walked back to the door.

It was locked. Not the handle. The deadbolt.

Parker had locked me out by jumping on the door.

"No big deal," I thought, "I left the front door unlocked, so I can just go in that way."

Nope. Apparently, my lock-doing reflex had kicked in.

I went back to the back yard. It was kinda chilly, and I had no coat on. I was thinking, "I have no idea when they're getting back. I'm glad I have the (only slightly muddy) furry dog out here with me. We will cuddle and stay warm....Oh shit, I have the only key!"

After 45 seconds of trying to get Parker to jump juuuuust the right way to undo the deadbolt, I decided, "Nevermind, no way in Hell is that's going to work." He just looked at me and whined, like, "Why aren't you coming back inside?"

I ended up crawling in through this window, which started closing on me when I was about halfway through.

Parker was sooooooooo excited, "O-yay! Cuddles! You're back! I can't wait to slobber your face off!" Him jumping all over me while I planked between the window and counter top did not make it any easier to get my legs unstuck!

But all's well that ends well, and I got to snuggle both of these sweet pups before we all hit the hay.

 

Come Again?

What I heard: "You don't know who licked the virgin."

What was said: "Let me do my version."


What I heard: "He had a goat probe"

What was said: "GoPro" (camera you can strap to your head)


What I heard: "I can't hear you 'cause I'm in the stairwell."

What was said: "I can't hear you 'cause I'm at a fairy princess tea party."

Running in the Rain

Happy Halloween everybody!

I had a super fun adventure today.

I was going to be lazy and plop myself on the couch, but I decided to keep my running pledge and knock out a few miles.

Got back from my run, feeling pretty proud that I'd gotten my butt in gear and looking forward to watching a horror flick while eating breakfast for dinner.

And my keys were gone. Must have fallen out of my pocket while running.

I looked at my phone and thought "I have 20 minutes of daylight."

And I charged off to retrace my steps. Made it 2 1/2 more miles (faster than the first 3 1/2!) before it finally got too dark to keep searching.

So, I'm sitting on my porch-wet, cold, in the dark, trying to decide how long I can wait for my awesome bestie to bring my spare keys before I go meander around Walgreen's to stay warm.

And it's Halloween. For the past 2 years, I've gotten big bags of candy and waited eagerly for little witches and Supermen to run down my street, but I've always ended up being disappointed. But this year, there were actually a few Trick-or-Treaters.

One kid saw me, opened the gate, and started running up the stairs, "Trick or Treat!!"

I was like, "I'm soooooo sorry, but I have no candy."

The kid stops mid-step and looks at me, trying to figure out if I'm joking.

"No really. I know, it's deceiving, because I'm sitting out here. But I don't even have keys, let alone candy."

He turned around slowly, I think half expecting me to say, "Tricked ya! He're a King-Sized Reese's!"

I'm waiting to get egged.

Study Time!

Sally wants me to fail my Patho exam tomorrow, as evidenced by:

What, you wanted to use the desk to write?

Jungle Gym!

You are no longer allowed to use this arm.

Haha! You can't see 'cause my anus is in the way!

Yeeeeeeesss.....fascinating....

I know! The answer is that one!

Let's Play a Game: Level 3

Which quotes are from patients, and which are from staff? Take a guess!

"I would love if that camel worked here!"

"Does cherry pie have calories?"

"He looks like he's pregnant with a turtle."

"No, I know they used to have tan M&Ms because I remember thinking to myself, 'that looks like a horse.'"

"Maybe you would sleep better if you wasn't such a whore!"

I'm Sick!

When I was in grade school, I sometimes played sick (gasp!).

I had to make it look real, though.

One time I prepared a "vomit" concoction of lotion, milk, and saltines to pour in the toilet.

Smelled a little like freesia, but it got the job done.

Makeout Tip #1

"Never French kiss someone. Seriously. Tongues taste weird."

(From my little sister when she was 12.)