I Rode The Short Bus

No joke. I went to "special" preschool.

I remember sitting on the short bus and thinking it was just about the coolest thing in the world. The bus was just my size! I just loved all things miniature.

In order to qualify for entry into Bright Futures Preschool, kids had to fail 3 items on the Denver Developmental Test. At the age of four(ish), I was unable to jump on one foot three times in a row, I couldn't cross a "t" correctly, and I failed some other gross motor skill test. Basically, I've just always been uncoordinated.

After my first college swim meet (where I kind of kicked ass), my dad told me, "Lauren, when we had to put you in special preschool,  I never thought you'd make it this far. I mean, to have the coordination you do in the water!"

I'm still not all that great on land. I cannot walk in a straight line, and I trip over myself countless times every day.

Peter Pan's Tights

Once upon a time, I was a little girl. My dad had taken us to Detweiller Park to play. There are lots of woods and trails in the area, so we decided to go on an adventure. We climbed down into one of the ravines.

We made several awesome discoveries. A racoon jaw. "Pig nose" nuts.

But our most fascinating discovery was Peter Pan's tights.

I found them laying amongst the leaves inside of a large tree hollow. They were green. Who else could they possibly belong to?

We got to take the jaw and the nuts home, but my dad told us to leave the tights where they were, "Just in case he comes back looking for them."

Pet Fly

I had a dream last night that I had a pet fly.

I had to be very careful that he didn't accidentally fly out of the car when I was packing up for vacation.

Tuesday

I usually leave my apartment by 6:38.

Yesterday I woke up at 6:32.

Being a champion, I made it out the door in about 7 minutes. Didn't even have time to pee. I left the house looking a mess, with my hair still in the braid I slept in. I prioritized brushing my teeth.

I put deodorant on while I was at the stoplight, which is difficult with a seat belt on. And I didn't even get any deodorant stains on my shirt.

I clocked in at 6:54. Dang, I'm good.

Disney Adventure

I got lost in Disney World on a family vacation when I was about 7.

We were walking to some attraction when we happened upon a crowd listening to Merlin give a speech. We had a brief family meeting:

"Do you want to stay and listen to Merlin, or go get on that ride?"

Being a space cadet, I was not really paying attention to the conversation. The first line was all I heard. I was far too busy imagining what it would be like to be a mouse driving a car around an amusement park. I assumed that the unanimous decision was to keep on going to the ride when I looked up and saw my dad starting to walk away.

At least, I thought it was my dad. And he was traveling in the direction of whatever ride we had been headed to. I skipped ahead of him, wanting to show off the fact that I knew where we were going.

It was by Mr. Toad's Wild Ride that I glanced over my shoulder and realized that my family was nowhere in sight. Our Family Lost Child Plan of Action was to stay firmly planted to the spot where you realized you were lost.

It didn't take Mr. Toad's staff very long to recognize the panic on my face. They came over, asked if I was lost, and invited me to come sit with them while they paged my parents' names over the intercom. I was hesitant to break the glued-to-the-spot-where-you're-lost rule, but decided that the loud booming voice would be more effective than my short self standing in a crowd where 73% of the people were taller than me.

They were about to start the page when I saw my family. I bolted. Maybe Mr. Toad's staff thought I had lost my mind and was just running after some cotton candy, cause they were all like, "No, Little Girl! Stop! Come back!"

And then they saw me hugging my parents, and the world was full of unicorns prancing on rainbows.

Disappointment

Last night I had a dream that I made chocolate chip cookie brownie bars.

I know. Amazing, right?

Except for that when I was groggily struggling to wake up this morning, I promised myself I could eat one for breakfast. And then they weren't real.

Bummer.

Promoting Pacifism

"Hey, man. I was just about to shoot you for beating up my brother, but then that limo drove by. And it got me thinking. How about we go get some coffee instead?"

A Safer Drug Experience?

Random Fact of the Day:

If you eat several tablespoons of nutmeg, you can have a hallucinogenic experience.

But, really, who can swallow that much nutmeg in the first place?

Mixing It Up: That's Just How I Do

Yesterday I renewed my CPR certification. As I was walking from my car to the building for the class, I realized that my feet felt kind of different from each other.

In my rush to make it out the door in time, this is what I left the house wearing:

 

Whoops.